the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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