im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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