I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
