If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
