roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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