R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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