Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
