I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
