I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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