There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
