She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
