you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
