Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
