Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
