There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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