Your dad touched me again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
