I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
