I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
