You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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