At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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