thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
