My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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