there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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