yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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