i need an iv and a liver transplant
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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