tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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