from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
