He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
