This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize