Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
