bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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