I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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