Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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