She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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