its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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