so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
