Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
