The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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