saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
