She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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