We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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