Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
