omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
