Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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