please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
organizing the empties. That sober.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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