Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
