You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
