ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Randomize
