i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Randomize
