first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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