Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
