Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
