I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
When are your genitals available?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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