Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
