New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I lost the right to judge tonight
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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