then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize