i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
