Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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