I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
