me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
