I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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