Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's shark week go big or go home
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
