its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
