it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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