For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
