Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
