Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
