from now on my penis is your penis
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
