No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
